"Fear Leads To Anger" - Yoda: The Emotional Mindset Master

Updated: Nov 16

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Episode Description:

Welcome to the eleventh episode of this podcast and the first to be released under the new title The Return To Fit Podcast!

In this episode, we discuss emotional awareness; what it is, what it does, and how to build it. This is a can't miss episode so listen, subscribe, review, and share!

Episode Transcript:

[Intro Music]

I have to give you a slight trigger warning, past experiences are shared that mention child abuse, but they're not detailed or graphic.

Hello friends and welcome to the Return To Fit Podcast where each week, we discuss topics ranging from the essential mindset skills and practices to fitness, nutrition, and more. I'm your host Coach Sabin and in today's episode we're going to discuss emotional awareness.

Before I get started, let's talk about the name change. I've made a recent change and drop the title F.E.A.R. Podcast by Return To Fit and just went with the Return To Fit Podcast to make it more on line branding wise with the rest of what I'm doing with Return To Fit... but not just that.

I also wanted to not limit myself to the mindset, not genre... but "field" for lack of better word... that I've been working on. We will complete the season. That's all gonna be mindset, but I've started developing ideas for the next season and I don't want to stick with just mindset. I want to branch out. I want to talk about the topics.

I also want to be able to interview people that I find would be useful to my listeners; helpful... who have a message that's you know, something that I want to talk about. That might not be mindset related. So I feel like changing the name and going back to a broader concept and allow me more freedom to do a better job.

So moving on.

I used to be an angry person. It started as a child, really. My father was abusive and angry and as so often as a case, I grew up having a hard time regulating my own emotions, especially when I came to anger. And my mom she didn't help much in these situations. Instead of helping me figure things out or even punishing me for them, she would yell at me and mock me.

The mocking is what stung for the longest time, she would call me a Calvin Jr. After the man, she hated most, my father. And I would defiantly reply with claiming that I wanted to be just like my dad. Just a stupid thing to want but I was a kid so.

Long story short, it was a toxic situation and I dealt with it by withdrawing and distancing myself from my family.

But the keywords are used to be. Understanding where my anger came from, where my fear came from, and learning to correct the circumstances of my past in my head, helped me let go of my anger. And as a father of three boys, I'm extremely grateful for that.

Two quick clarification though... first by saying: correct the circumstances of the past in my head. I simply mean understanding how they should have played out any functional and healthy reality and forgiving and letting go. Because of that my emotions are no longer rooted in what happened. I can't change the past nor do I believe that things happen differently than they really happened. They happened; the past is the past but...

As a child going through those circumstances, not knowing the world you just kind of accept that as how the world is supposed to be and even as you learn as you grow older if you don't address... go back and address those things subconsciously... You default to believing that that's how things were that's how that's the treatment you deserve, that's the life you deserved and that subconsciously that spills over to everything else that you do.

The second clarification is when I say I let go of my anger. I don't mean that I never get angry. But that anger is no longer a characteristic that defines me. It's now just an emotion that sometimes I feel. Actually, it's fear, but I'll get to that in a moment.

I also sometimes still get angry and regret the things I say when I'm angry; things I do when I'm angry... mostly what I say, but and I've learned to apologize and own up to that. And you know whether I'm forgiven or not, I've also learned to forgive myself in those situations. So anger... you're allowed to feel it. You have to be you know have permission to feel anger fear, all the full range of feelings to be healthy.

So what I'm leading to is emotional awareness. Emotional awareness is simply being able to identify your emotions both the ones you're experiencing in the moment or the ones your experience you were experiencing in the past. I say simply but it isn't a simple process.

For example: Your child runs towards the road, a car's flying down it, and you yell angrily at them to "stop!" From there, you you continue to unload, "You know better than playing by the road..." "playing in the street" or whatever it might be.

Many people would identify your emotion as anger. But are you really angry? Kinda. But your emotion is rooted in fear. Yoda wasn't lying when he said fear leads to anger. So, why does this matter? Our emotions play a huge role in how we respond to anything. And if we go through life emotionally stupid, we're leaving a ton up to chance.

And so it's up to you to build your emotional awareness and build emotional intelligence. Next logical question is how. But before we get to that consider the following... and I got this from Matthew Toll PhD I was published on VeryWellMind.com and it's The Levels of Emotional Awareness:

  • First level, No Emotional Awareness, you have no idea what you're feeling or that an emotion is even present.

  • For example, you might say I feel like a loser however this is an evaluation or judgment not an emotional state.

  • Awareness of Bodily Sensations. You have some awareness of feelings, but they may only be bodily sensations such as an increased heart rate or muscle tension.

  • Awareness of Behaviors. You may only be aware of how you would like to act as a result of feeling an emotion.

  • For example, you might think I feel like I think I feel like leaving the situation as fast as possible...Likely signaling fear or anxiety

  • or I feel as though I could yell at him. Signaling anger.

  • Awareness that an Emotional State is present. Here where that an emotion is present. However, you have a hard time figuring out exactly what emotion it is.

  • For instance, you may have enough awareness to know that you feel bad or overwhelmed but nothing more specific than that.

  • This is sometimes termed in undifferentiated undifferentiated emotional state because the next one is

  • Differentiated Emotional State emotional awareness. We're we're getting it to the top level of emotional awareness at this level, you're aware of specific emotions that are present.

  • You're able to identify the emotion you're feelings such as sadness anger fear anxiety happiness joy or excitement at any given point. And last but not least

  • Blended Emotional Awareness, this is top-level emotional awareness, you're aware of a number of emotions that are present at the same time including emotions that may seem in opposition to another... such as sadness and happiness.

  • For example, a mother singer child go off to school for the first time maybe very happy her child has reached a milestone, but also sad to see her child growing up so fast.

Again, that was from Matthew Toll PhD verywellmind.com.

So how do we improve our emotional awareness? It's by a process that I call Reflect, Analyze, and Rehearse. And it's done by actively participating in inner dialogue, aka talking to yourself. If you follow this podcast for any length of time, I've brought up the inner dialogue more than once.

But let's start with the first one and that's reflect. Using your inner dialogue to Reflect is one way to improve your emotional awareness. So you take yourself back to an old situation or emotions or both and just observe. Talk about what you see. And then take what you're learning. And act on it in the future. It's the best way to reinforce it long-term.

The next one using your inner, excuse me, your inner dialogue to Analyze is another way to improve your emotional awareness. Ask yourself why a situation happened explore others viewpoints and possible reasons and piece together a broader picture than your own initial experiences. And your own emotional awareness at the time.

Next one, the last one is using your inner dialogue to Rehearse. This is not only effective and improving your awareness, but also preparing yourself for a situation that could become or get emotional. Practicing that situation in advance can actually help you stay cool if things get emotional. Additionally, it can help you resolve and let go of the past situations that we're not handled properly or appropriately by rehearsing how they should have been handled. And that's kind of what I was talking about in the opening story about my past and learning to let go of my anger.

So going forward... not even going forward... TODAY make time to reflect. It's the easiest to begin doing and can really teach you a lot just by going back to the situation and emotions now that you're not in that moment. And just observe try not to judge. There's a process called "notice and name". And it can help guide you in all three of these but you just

You notice the emotion.

You name the emotion.

And without applying judgment you can, you know, say why.

For example, I miss my kids or I'm sad because I miss my kids. It's not a judgment. Saying I'm sad because I'm pathetic is a judgment.

So start with just the reflect it's easiest to begin with, it doesn't take a long time. Make time in the next week though to analyze and rehearse, talk to somebody about your experiences or keep a journal because this really helps you reinforce what you can learn from these practices.

I highly recommend taking a journal if you follow this podcast at all. There's a lot that I give that you could take away and if you're not journaling it's gonna be hard to remember and you're gonna have to go back and listen or you just you don't get it.

Stuff like this, you should have a journal, make notes, and note your progress so that you can continuously improve.

Thinking more long-term, and as I will mention in a minute, this is a life-long pursue. So you have to stay patient and compassionate with yourself. But after working on this on your own for a while considers seeking someone who can help coach you through this and other mindsets strategies.

Now, if you're dealing with emoti